Blog 7

While reading "Should we stay together for the kids?" I found all the different stories very interesting and it put a different perspective on how I personally feel about this topic. My parents got divorced when I was about 12. Now as an adult my mother admitted, "If I could go back and find anyway to save that marriage, I do it." Just like what Denyse's mother stated in the article. I suppose I never realized the lasting affects it had on me when choosing men and having relationships until I read this article especially relating to Joanne's story. The fear of "abandonment" is something I feel most women have dealing with a divorce or having been through their parents divorce. According to Wallerstein, the belief common in children of divorce, that marriage is either a fairy tale or nothing. " I don't believe in the fairy tale. I hope it exists, but I really don't believe it does," is something that stood out to me because I have said that myself and to this day still believe it. Wallerstein makes it clear that divorce screws kids up. Experts feel he overstates the case. That divorce may screw them up for a long time and put them at risk for everything from drug abuse to a loveless, solitary old age is more disturbing and more debatable. Although growing up in a divorced family elevates the risk of all certain problems, it by no means dooms children to having a terrible life. I liked how this article referred to America's children of divorce as an unfinished business is a way of life, for adults is a conclusion, but for children it's the beginning of uncertainty. It's sad but true, a million new divorce cases occur every year and it will impact every child differently. Blankenhorn states, "If the question is, if unhappily married parents stay together for the sake of their kids, will that decision benefit their children?, the answer is yes." I do not agree with that. Being in a unhealthy relationship is far more destructive for your child then living happily apart. Especially if the are exposed to behavior that can impact the way the treat people and teaching them what is right from wrong. How can a child thrive and be happy when clearly the parents are unhappy? Like Coontz states, "things only get worse and fester, and eventually, five years down the road , they end up getting divorced anyway, after years of contempt for each other and outside affairs." Why put you children through that dysfunction and unnecessary drama? Children of divorce suffer depression, learning difficulties and other psychological problems more frequently than those of intact families. That makes me wonder, don't children who live in dysfunctional unhappy intact families suffer from those same issues?